Communication, Not Control

For as long as I can remember, I have had this overwhelming need for total control — particularly over the way things are done. If things could not be done exactly how I wanted them, then they were simply not done right. This “need” eventually drove me crazy because no matter how much I wanted it, I clearly would never be able to control everything. Big surprise, huh?

Believe it or not, the thing that has helped me overcome this need for control is something so simple, yet so overlooked — good ol’ open communication. It seems like a given, but I feel that, more often than not, we choose not to communicate certain things in fear that others will not understand us. I know for a fact that some of the ways I like things done would sound completely bizarre to other people. For example, in the early years of our relationship, I had to tell my fiancé why I wanted the sponge squeezed out after washing dishes or why I insisted on using cold water to wash clothes instead of hot. Before we met, those were two things he likely never thought twice about, and I was worried he would think I was a complete control freak.

So what if the sponge smelled like mildew or the electricity bill was higher because it cost more to heat the water than to just use cold water? Hell, even I thought I was a control freak. It was only after communicating these reasons to him that it became understandable as to why I felt we should do things a certain way.

Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash

You see, as silly as that example is, without communication, I could have just gotten upset every time a sponge was sopping wet or the washer settings were on hot, but what good would that do? It wouldn’t be my need for control necessarily, but my lack of communication that would have led me to be upset. And that is why having open communication in any relationship is so important, as it can help it grow positively, and I encourage it to anyone who is reading. It is far better to communicate than to worry about what you cannot control.

“When you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing.”
— unknown